It seems that in every society there is a set of rules which need to be followed day-to-day which are intuitive to all. No one speaks of these rules except if a group is doing introspection on society. If someone were to break one of these rules it can be embarrassing or uncomfortable for the person who knows and understands the rule.
An example of the above is ending a conversation. In America, at least where I am from, just by changing the inflection you can signal the end of a conversation. One such way to do this is in passing when you stop to talk to a person for a second and get some information. Normally, you would just say okay with a bit of a higher tone and force than normal, generally this is the sign of we are done I need to go. However, there are people that do not catch this social queue and keep talking. It can be awkward to some degree to say “hey I have to go” as it might seem rude.
Japan is no different there are unwritten social rules people are expected to follow, but may not necessarily ever be written down or discussed explicitly, especially if you are foreign. Some of what I learned in this research on unspoken culture has really opened up a whole new understanding of what I see in anime, manga, and live action, or read about in news articles. To some degree it will change the way you think about certain things. Some of this information is intuitive and after watching enough anime, live action, and/or Japanese news you can pick up on it, but to be explicitly made aware of it could save you some pitfalls with interaction as you can keep it on your mind.
To start most of my information came from At Home in Japan. The site is a very long read, well thought out and very informative. I am going to provide my understanding of the site and a summary of what I read. This post is a bit long, but please read it as it might be very informative and helpful to you.
We are going to talk about Tatemae and Honne first then Uchi and Soto. Both are key to really understand the layers or wrapping of Japanese social society.
Lets Get Started:
The first thing to understand is everything in Japan is wrapped up. Whether it be physical, mental, or theoretical everything exists inside of something else, like an onion. Some key things to note you can physically see are food(obento), houses (usually inside gate), construction sites, and not physical is language. These all have layers to them from sugar packets which are individual to a bigger box. Houses usually have gates around them, then the front door, and even then the entry way, it is layered toward you getting to the main subjects of the house. Then you have the language with multiple layers of formality that if broken lead to some pretty awkward situations. Keep wrapping in mind when reading this and as you watch or view things in and from Japan.
Tatemae and Honne:
There are two key words to know to start with Tatemae and Honne. Tatemae is a social wrapping put in to make things seem as nice as possible where they do not see any problems no matter what the situation. Honne is what the hosts really feel, but never directly say as it might create problems. Honne is a term the to define the type of a feeling. Imagine Tatemae as a fine restaurant where you walk in and see waiters and waitresses serving people being happy and everyone eating, but know nothing about what is going on in the kitchen. Honne is where the there is 100 customers and only 1 of the 4 grills work plus they are short of staff for the evening. Basically there are problems all over the place words are exchanged behind the scenes yet the customer never knows about, this is Honne.
Tatemae and Honne are important to recognize because through your interactions with other people you could be causing a social disconnect and not be aware because you are seeing the Tatemae and will not be privy to the Honne. However, there is hope because there are ways to see or find out about the Honne if you pay attention to the social queues that are available. If a Japanese person makes a simple “suggestion” or “request” in a seemingly innocuous manner it could be they are trying resolve a big problem in the Honne(again unexpressed frustration). The key thing is to be aware in most society, outside of the personal, you are being presented with a Tatemae just remember the Honne does exist. (An assertion on my part I would take it that foreigners, like Americans or Europeans, are more likely to see the Tatamae longer than any other foreigners or locals.)
As an aside on the communication – During my reading of this article it hinted at something that I have seen for a while in Japanese shows I watch. That is specific sounds that Japanese make which aren’t words, but carry a lot of meaning along with gestures. Going on a limb one such one is closing the teeth and inhaling while moving the head back slightly is sign of “I don’t really know what or how to answer”. There are many more, but this article confirmed these are very very prominent and not just my imagination. So be sure to pay attention to them and figure out what they might mean.
Uchi and Soto:
The uchi is similar to the “I” except it has a broader meaning to mean more of the family, company, or group you are with. When talking or referencing yourself you would normally put the uchi first then your name. So it would be something like “I am from the ABC company my name is Buddy”. The uchi is important because it is the unit that will have a Tatemae and a Honne. The uchi will discuss the Honne and present the Tatemae. The soto is the outsider that will be seeing the Tatemae and not be able to see the the Honne inside the uchi. Think of it as a foreign exchange student doing a home-stay in Japan. The student is the soto coming to live with the uchi, or family unit. He will see the Tatemae, but not necessarily see the Honne
It is worth noting once you become part of the uchi and are no longer the soto it isn’t automatically an intimate situation where all the rules go out the window and social rules no longer exist. In fact you are presented with another set of uchi soto relationships just on a more intimate not so formal level. Quickest example I can see for this is you are part of an uchi which is your company and are you are looking at a new recruit they are the soto. Well once the soto is hired they are part of the uchi now and no longer a soto in the sense he is part of the company, but he must still act in accordance to the rules and structure of his new uchi(company).
Generally uchi and soto are based on an anchor point of you or your group depending on now far away from that anchor point a person falls depends on the formality shown. If a person you have never talked to or seen in your life shows up then you are usually very formal and respectful. However, if your neighbor comes over whom you see weekly, while they too are a soto, you will not be as formal with them as the person you have never seen in your life. Basically this is like all relationships as you get to know a person more and more they come closer to the uchi, but remember you can be very very close and still be a soto and therefore there is a Tatemae that you are shown. Just note that you will not always be presented with a Tatemae, but to be safe assume one is there.
Conclusion:
To better understand the language and the people we must understand what lies in the background of the culture or we might not understand the subtleties that lie in what we watch, read, or hear. Understanding the structure of the Japanese culture that is normally not spoken of can help us to better understand and avoid potential pitfalls when communicating with others. To be aware of problems and how problems can arise is another important step. One of the most important aspects we can learn is to listen to what people say and how they say it because it can tell you a lot about the situation. Someone might be telling you it is very taboo to do this but say it like “Well we don’t normally do that” which isn’t harmful and leads one to think it is okay. So the key is listen, be aware, and pay attention to what is around you.
またね
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
I understand what you meant in your post. Sometimes, we just don’t get people’s understanding on the matter at hand and when you are supposed to control what you are saying/doing/interacting.
But what I don’t get is the complication of the various standings in society. I mean, why have many different stages in a relationship?
Maybe I should catch up more on the Japanese sub-culture before I go there in the near future… ^^
Not sure about this but I think it is a politeness thing. Though don’t quote me on that. Actually I’ll ask my sensei about this and maybe try to come up with the why of the politeness levels.
Owh, I see. Then, I can see why Japan is rated a polite country to visit. The people there are very open (don’t take it the wrong way!) and very humble in their everyday life.
Every man has three faces…
One he shows the world.
One he shows his family.
And one only he himself knows.
That is awesome way to put it. And is just magnified by 10 times with the Japanese Culture.